Hello there sunlight

About 2 hours ago, I submitted my NSF Graduate Research Fellowship Proposal.  I'm excited about the project, which I will actually start next week, and I have a halfway-decent chance at getting the Fellowship. 

I'm now climbing out of the hole that application made in my life - the sunlight greeting is an exaggeration, I will admit, but my life has been far more work than fun for the last few months.  The NSF hasn't been the only big work thing looming over my life, but it was the biggest deadline.  Now that it's over, I can do things like grocery shopping (not wasteless unfortunately, but now I have food in my cabinet again so I'm accepting that for the moment). 

I definitely started myself off onto the wrong foot this semester.  I've been running nonstop since I went to France for a conference in August, to the point where even taking time to have dinner with friends or cook or relax on my own felt hard.  I got a few moments - weekends or days away where I intentionally left the computer behind - but overall, I have been a little ball of stress.  And it's affected my life in a lot of ways.

For one thing, I haven't been shopping the way I want to.  In some ways, that's been good because I've been using up things in my cabinet.  On the other hand, I've had a CSA share in my fridge for 2 weeks and I should probably deal with that, but I haven't felt like cooking for a while.  I finally ran out of things in my cabinet and had to go to the neighborhood grocery store, rather than to the CoOp I'd rather shop at but which is far away.  And, particularly in the last week I've just been eating out.  My wallet's not thrilled with me, nor is my conscience. 

I also learned that when I don't get to spend time with friends, especially when I'm stressed and really do need to talk, I become a giant crankypants.  The day before a midterm several weeks ago, I nearly yelled at one of my officemates (of which I have 6, which is a whole other issue) and had to cut myself off midway through a loud, frustrated outburst in response to him.  At which point I walked to a nearby park, sat down, cried, and realized that I was not ok.  I've been spending more time with friends and with myself, but I need to give myself permission to continue doing so.

In short, I've learned that work will expand to fill the time I give it.  I'm hardly the first person to learn this lesson, I know.  But it was hard to be in the middle of it, knowing that I needed to relax and slow down but feeling trapped by the need to get everything done.  I could have asked my advisors and collaborators to give me a week or two off, but I wasn't willing to.  My classwork is mediocre, so I feel like I have to prove myself with research, but the lack of hard deadlines within that is messing with my head.  I'm impatient to get things done, and wanting to impress, but I need to stop biting off more than I can chew.  Otherwise, I'm gonna burn out. 

Anyway, that's me.  Hopefully regular posting will now resume, and there will be one less thunderous looking graduate student on campus. 

And the winner is....

Secret.*

I'm disappointed, but I've given up.  I posted before about struggling to find a more eco-friendly deodorant.  Well, nothing eco-friendly was able to keep me from smelling funky by 3 pm, and one of them gave me a rash.  Here's the breakdown:

Homemade, coconut oil and baking powder

I smelled like a cookie, which I didn't mind but it was kinda strong, and I couldn't tell if other people noticed.  Nonetheless, the baking soda gave me a rash and further experimentation is on an indefinite hold.  I threw it away, which is why its not in the photo below.

I also tried 3 other semi-'natural' deodorants:

Tom's deodorant, Tom's deodorant/antiperspirant, Lush bar, standard brand-name.

Aromaco deodorant bar from Lush

Smell's good and mild, but applying it is a pain (literally, it's hard to get it to melt so it scrapes over my skin).  And doesn't really last.


Tom's of Maine, aluminum-free deodorant

Like the smell (lavender), but it fades by mid-afternoon.  And reapplication only helped for an hour or so.


Tom's of Maine, Naturally Dry Antiperspirant

Unscented.  Literally lasts about an hour.  I smelled gross.


And with that $20 spent, I decided to cut my losses and slink back to chemical, unrecyclable (but cheap!) Secret.

Although actually, with the new expansion to recycling, I might be able to recycle the container if I clean it first.  Not ideal, but better than tossing it.



*The brand is really irrelevant, it was just on sale.

Small Success: None, really

I don't really have any improvements that I made this week.  In fact, I've had quite a trash-producing week.  Ground turkey and fish at the farmer's market both came packaged in plastic.  I went out to eat with other grad students on Tuesday, but we went to a street fair so it was all disposable.  I bought yogurt yesterday, because I needed some kind of protein for lunch, but yogurt cups aren't recyclable in NYC so I'm either going to have to throw it out or wash it and take it to my parents' house at some time in the future.

I suppose I'm going to have to find a balance, at least right now.  I definitely need to improve my planning skills about when to shop and to make sure that I have enough food at the right times.  Nutrition and money may require me to purchase some food that comes with packaging.  I don't want to give up on lunch with other grad students, because I like hanging out with them and I don't want to be unsocial, but it costs more money and produces more trash.  It's a little frustrating because I feel like I'm compromising...and I am compromising, but it seems like it may be necessary right now.

Impatience and Peer Pressure

I've wanted one of those reusable cold cups (designed for iced drinks at coffeehouses) for a while now.  I looked longingly at them last summer, when my research group made weekly forays to Starbucks, but never bought one.  They're made of plastic, and I wasn't sure I wanted that.  This summer, I kept my eye out at yard sales but didn't see any.  I mentioned it to my family, who questioned why I wouldn't just buy one new since they were so inexpensive and available.

So a few weeks ago, we were at the grocery store, and there were the cups, with stickers proclaiming "eco-cup".  My Mom and sister went "look, here they are, just get one."  And I did.  So did my sister.  I felt vaguely guilty for picking up a new piece of plastic, but I ignored it.  Surely, it had to be better than getting a new plastic cup every time I wanted an iced drink?

Tonight I went to Starbucks to meet a friend, toting my reusable plastic cup.  As I walked over to the counter, guess what I saw.  Reusable metal cold cups, complete with metal straws.  I could have cried.  If I had waited a few more weeks, and not given in to the pressure, I wouldn't have bought a new piece of plastic.  Clearly, Starbucks pays at least some attention to the recent anti-plastic trends, and has come out with an alternative.  It was just too late for impatient me.  I could buy a metal one, and I still might, but it doesn't change the fact that money has already been spent on the blue plastic cup sitting on my counter right now.

Lesser of Two Evils

There's not really a conclusion to this post.  I've just been thinking lately about choosing one type of waste over another.

To be specific, I'm talking about the increasingly popular choice to go paperless.  This involves switching from a paper-based organization system to an electronic one, either whole or in part.  There's a big positive impact here: not using paper is much more forest-friendly than using paper.  My conscience starts to twinge, though, at the fact that going paperless means relying more on technology, particularly portable devices like tablets.  Laptops, tablets, smartphones - they're all made with plastic components and designed to be replaced.  Electronic waste is a big environmental (and human rights) problem these days. 

So which impact is worse?  Using a tablet, which will go to an e-waste dump in a few years when it becomes obsolete?  Or using paper, which is recyclable?  On the other hand, even only using 100% recycled paper so no new trees are cut down, you'd still need a computer and a printer with ink. 

I don't have an answer.  I do have a Nook.  I also prefer to read articles on paper.  I'm not sure there is a good choice if I want to continue in the modern world at all, much less pursue a career in a technology- and publication-heavy science.

Graduation Woes

I've left a lot of waste in my wake this week.  Very little of it was directly my fault, but much of it could have been avoided with a little more backbone on my part.  Pretty much all of the trash came from graduation parties, both mine last Sunday and my friend's yesterday.

I did not purchase the items that became trash at my party, nor was I aware of their purchase until I came downstairs on Sunday to find a plethora of "Congratulations 2012 Graduate" party supplies strewn around our kitchen, living room, and deck.  Balloons were everywhere.  At least I made it in time to nix the idea of hanging shiny streamer things from the ceiling; they'll probably make a reappearance at my sister's party next year though.  The cupcake wrappers, tiered cupcake holder, plates, napkins, and cups were all disposable as well.  Some of the utensils were also plastic, but we didn't have enough in the cabinet so some people were forced to use our usual metal silverware. At least it was something.

So I didn't purchase these disposable items, but what does their presence say about my ability to communicate with my family, particularly my mom ?  I've been talking a little bit with her over the last year or so about my desire to reduce my environmental impact, but clearly it wasn't enough.  We have most of the items we would have needed to minimize the trash created at the party.  We don't have enough cloth napkins or suitable replacements for cupcake liners, but we have basically everything else. I could have talked to her more, and told her not to get balloons or ceiling decorations.  I could have suggested that we use the "outdoor" party plates and cups that we bought when I was little (they are plastic, but reusable at least).  I could have told her to just stick with cookies, and not worry about the cupcakes.  But I didn't talk to her, and so I began my post-undergrad life with several bags of trash created in my name.

At my friend's party, I failed to refuse, refuse, refuse.  His mother had also purchased Grad 2012 paraphernalia, removing the plastic shrink-wrap from a multitude of disposable items while we got ready for dinner.  I was several hours from home, hungry (and staying overnight), and couldn't bring myself to ask for a reusable plate or glass.  I didn't want to be rude or seem ungrateful, so I smiled and ate despite my dismay at my own actions.  I'm still in awe of those who can simply refuse to eat, or who bring their own dishes to events.  Or even those who can simply ask for a non-disposable option.  The experience underlined an area I know I need to work on, but for an introvert who usually tries her best not to make waves, it's going to be hard work.